Friday, December 9, 2011

It's not all about me...

I have been frustrated for the last week. My HOH has not taken me in hand even after we talked about how much better I feel and behave. Then tonight he tells me that he feels distant from everything. At first I am relieved because now I know that it's not just because I haven't had my DD to reconnect us.I feel hurt because I know he's not sharing with me and I should be his rock. He won't let me in because he doesn't want to stress me, because that tends to lead to, in his eyes, negative behaviors.   I started to argue that maybe that was exactly what I was craving, the desire to be needed, to be strong. Anyone ever feel this way?

As I sat and listened and kept pushing back the thoughts that I wanted to share, "why haven't you spanked me! Grr!" I realized, this week wasn't about me, but about being here for him. I am so glad that I kept my evil, needy, self exactly where it needed to be, quiet!

I hope as he left for work he could feel the love that I have for him and how I pray the stress and exhaustion will subside soon.

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