Saturday, December 10, 2011
"It's Just Discipline", he said
"It's just discipline", he said.
During most conversations I find myself agreeing and then rethinking what has been said, this conversation was no different. Here we were on the bed reading the Learning Domestic Discipline Blog by Clint, reviewing beginning, intermediate, and advanced spankings when my husband says to me, "You put too much energy into this subject, it's just discipline."
At first I agreed, and supported this by remembering a thread written by someone who had met Clint and his wife. This person stated that their conversation surprisingly did not revolve around DD at all. I found this refreshing and a reminder of how small my life has gotten since I moved. I admit that I tend to fixate on subjects until I get my fill. In this case I am acutely aware that I have read to my hearts content on the subject of DD and have begun to reach out to other bloggers to expand my horizons. I am also aware that DD is not going away, by choice, another words, there is no "getting my fill", it has brought too many positives to our life.
I suppose, now would be a good time to give you some background. My husband and were married July 31, 2010, at this time we blended our family of my two children and his son. As amazing as this union has been it has also come with it's reality of my mental ups and downs. The stress of moving from the Mid-West to the South and being unemployed for more than 8 months did not help. It's this stress that led me to seek out methods to keep me and my marriage healthy. We're talking about depression here, it comes and it goes, even with medication, and with an alpha personality well, let's just say I can make life challenging for myself and those I love. Deciding to bring DD into our union less than a year after we married seemed like a natural choice. I do not like being spanked or pain, but mysteriously, I do find the hours, days afterward very rewarding. I feel calmer, ordered, and motivated in away that makes me feel productive and even loving and connected to my husband when otherwise I wouldn't. Moods can be a horrible affliction when they swing. I am also ecstatic how a spanking relieves me of a sort of guilt that I, in the past, would carry with me that would slowly become destructive to my relationships.
My husband was raised with a firm hand and in turn has taken quite naturally to being the head of our house. Me, I was not raised so firmly and the more I explore discipline the more I have realized how little I really knew about it, for me or my children. I am an ex-Montessori teacher and very much a peace, love and harmony, without physical discipline, kind of person, but as this journey has progressed I have learned the benefits of the physical connection of discipline and the psyche.
So, am I fixated? Yes and no. I think as with anything new it takes communication, and in my eyes knowledge is power. I also find it challenging to communicate with my husband at times because I feel, he becomes defensive, as if I am telling him he is doing something wrong when, in reality, I am trying to adjust something that makes me uncomfortable. Fixation on this topic may also come from the fact that I still feel a little insecure about the practice of spanking in an adult relationship. In the beginning, I was concerned that it was a kink, or that something was very different about me, wrong with me. As I read more and reach out to the DD community I am learning to accept that our choice of a DD lifestyle is not so uncommon and more to the point comes with some growing pains.
Thank you to all my fellow bloggers who have taken the time to share your stories! It has made a world of difference to mine. I hope that as I record our growing pains and joys that I too will be a positive contributor to our community!