Tuesday, July 17, 2012
I’ve got my coffee and my favorite spot at the park. This new little nook is beautiful. I have a view of the whole lake and a bench in the shade just far enough off the beaten path not to be bothered by my fellow park goers. The breeze is tickling the leaves and rippling the lake just enough that I can still see the turtles pushing their heads out of the water for a quick gulp of air. And this is how I’m wrapping up my mommy days.
As much as I have missed J I have also enjoyed the simple pleasure of just being a mom and the opportunity to have the quiet to do some soul searching.
The kids and I have loaded the bikes up daily and rode around the park, amazing! We’ve even headed for an open field with a Frisbee in hand and practiced our long lost skill of putting that funny little disc where we wanted it. Of course the boys had a blast making fun of each others lack of ability and I spent time telling them that it was too far off and they had to retrieve their tossed disc. In the moments between them directing the Frisbee my way I discovered I could still do a cartwheel. Yah, this 40 year old lady isn’t so decrepit. LOL! Then my youngest decided he could do it to. We were a regular circus act in our own fun little pocket of the park.
Our evenings have been filled with good cooking, so I think, and family movies.
This morning was the best, all of us just sitting around telling tales of days gone by and joking around. My middle child was engaged in a way that I don’t have the pleasure of seeing often. Teenage years, ugh! With that being said I was happy to have us reminiscing over the moments that he treasured.
My 7 year old is just fun to engage in conversation with because of his innocent view of the world. He is funny and opinionated all in one package. Just the other day I was trying to get him to read and he didn’t want to hear it so he put his fingers in his ears.
Okay, remember when I said that I try to parent from the positive, well let’s just say I don’t always succeed and I could in that moment feel the over baring mom coming to the surface when I stopped and said, “Uh, oh! Looks like you’re grounded until you decide to read.” He tossed the bean bag and stomped away. Then I really had to restrain the ugly and said, “That was a bad choice now you are grounded and you still have to read, now go to your room.”
You would have thought the attitude for the day was decided, but in fact it went just the opposite. We all ended up with no electronics and played, drew, and enjoyed each other like simple people. At the end of the day he remarked that it was the best day ever! It’s funny how the things we fear, like our kids hating us for being the parent, can turn into an affirmation that we’re not doing such a bad job after all.
I’ve been happy with my days, but not with my new sleeping habits, in bed by 2am and up by 9:30. There are days that I am more than grateful J hasn’t imposed rules regarding my night owl hours. I’m sure it will change when he comes home. It’s been difficult for me to pick a schedule because I don’t know if I am going to be going back to work or if I will do the stay at home / home schooling mom thing. I suppose I have kind of thrown caution to the wind and done what comes naturally as opposed to a planned attack on the day. With that being said while J has been gone I have taken the time to do some personal reflection and yesterday I took the time to send J a letter containing what I realized. In the past when I have done this I have gotten pretty negative reactions, but to my surprise J was his loving accepting self.
Must cut this short his plane has landed!